Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
