if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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