Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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