I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
