i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
