She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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