Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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