Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
