i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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