Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
