Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
