i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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