remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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