dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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