Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
