The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
