my mouth tastes like poor choices
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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