Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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