Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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