One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
