This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
