I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
