I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
