she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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