meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
