yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
