is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
