My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
