hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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