that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
