My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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