I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
