i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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