Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
