I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
