my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
