No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
