I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
