I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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