if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
