I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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