david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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