Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
