I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize