true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize