probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
