If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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