I bet he comes in French.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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