i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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