i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
