sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
