I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize