Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
