dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
