I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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