Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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