i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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