Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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