Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
