He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
