My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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