Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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