I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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