when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
