Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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