Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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