we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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