be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
