when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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