I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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