just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
