Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
