My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
