I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
