why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
