did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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