You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize