dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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