I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
