remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize