She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
