So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
