Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
