Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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