I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
