The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
