We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
