Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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