fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
