Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
