no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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